I don't know if anybody asked this question but here is my reply.
If you have a deep fear around something in your life, it will most likely appear again and again. You will most likely try to fix it in any way you can. It works temporarily. Usually, the fear is around one or two areas but most likely you will find that it’s the same fear expressed in different ways.
This deep kind of fear most often shows up in and around your closest relationships. I'm talking about a deep inner fear, often nameless because it has gotten so alienated from you. There are also other fears around situations and people further away from you but those fears are more conscious and easier to overcome. Of course, your conscious mind wants to do something, anything, to get rid of this highly uncomfortable and painful fear. So why is it so hard to do that?
Most likely it’s because a part of you is unconsciously holding on to it. Of course there is no one in the world who wants to have fear or bad things happen to them. But over the years the subconscious has become a guard dog, protecting you from the terror so that you won’t suffer from it. But in doing that you have also become alienated from your fear and very often another type of fear has been created: the fear of the fear.
Unfortunately, this is a disservice because now it’s very difficult to take the fear back from the subconscious. Also, the ego (= the person we have been shaped into) assists the subconscious by consciously repeating things like (depending on what the fear is about): “It’s their fault, they ruined me, I can’t do it,” OR: “It’s my fault, I’m ruining everything and everyone.” Etc, etc. It can be anything really.
However there are a few things you can do to take back the fear from the subconscious. The subconscious is a little bit like a dog. You can train it but it takes time. It learns by repetition. Once it has learned the lesson it’s very easy. But you have to train it in small steps or it will be overwhelmed and not cooperate.
This text is for your intellectual mind. It won’t reach the subconscious at all. But it might help you to not be afraid of the fear and to have a greater understanding for its mechanisms. It might help you to get the courage to face it and the hope that you don’t have to live by it.
Some people are not even be fully aware that they are carrying a fear. It might just lurk in the background. Then it will either be very annoying to read this text (if you are not ready to acknowledge it) or intriguing (if you are ready).
The following are things you can do, from the easiest to the most difficult:
You can make a decision that you don’t want this fear to control you anymore.
You can pray about it.
You can change the conscious thoughts that control you.
You can face situations that you know will bring up the fear.
You can allow yourself to feel it thoroughly.
You can refuse to act on its command. (If you fear tells you to run away: stay. If your fear tells you to play happy: stop playing happy, etc.)
You may surrender.
It’s fairly easy to make a decision to not be ruled by fear anymore but it can be a powerful step. It’s fairly easy to pray about it, too. To change your thoughts take more work and patience. You can choose one self-limiting thought that you have and change it into a more positive (and probably more realistic) one.
To face a situation that evokes the fear takes courage. Every time a situation arises, take what happens inside and stop any knee jerk reactions. Sit with it. Feel it. Releasing, feeling, just a little of it will give you tremendous energy and freedom. Usually, life will repeatedly put you in a position where it’s impossible to disregard it. That way life is a great teacher. Instead of being angry at the situations you could potentially see them as something to learn from.
Most likely you will not be able to feel it through in one go. It is so strong and powerful. It can literally make you feel like you are going to die. But you can do a little at a time, as much as you can handle.
As long as you placate the fear by either acting on its behalf or avoiding it, you strengthen it and it will continue to fester and rule your life. You placate the fear when you beg, manipulate or barter (pay a price to get something ). You placate the fear when you numb yourself with addictions (we have the capacity to make virtually anything into an addiction, some more destructive than others).
In addition to the list above, you can also surrender, give it over, but this is not really anything that you “do”. It’s something that happens. You can ask for it and maybe it will happen, maybe not. Usually surrender happens to people who have been suffering for a long time and can’t bear it any longer. They lose the ability to hold on subconsciously. The wall between the subconscious and the conscious crumble and the fear just leaves them as it’s exposed for the fake it really is.
Another way to approach this is to see that you are not the body. The body’s history is not your history. There is nothing to understand. Nothing needs to change. There is nowhere to get to and no need to change. You have nothing to do with the body and the fear has nothing to do with you either. By then you are on a spiritual path.
As you noticed jumping off a plane is not on the list! So can you overcome fear by jumping off a plane? Potentially, yes. You may be shocked out of it and realize that it's completely irrelevant to you now. But it can also be another way of avoiding the actual fear by becoming addicted to thrills. The mind is very cunning.
I have some exciting news to share: My new collection of poems will be published on March 1st, 2015! It’s my fourth book published, my third book of poems and my first book in English. I am so thrilled and excited about this project. I’m publishing with Rosemi Mederos and her Anterior Books. It’s a small publishing company based in Miami and it’s just perfect for me.
Rosemi is an incredible editor and a wonderful person. It is a pleasure working with her. I will be involved in every step of the way and I really look forward to it.
My way back to poetry has taken its time. After I officially stopped writing in 2008, I devoted most of my time to yoga and meditation but after a few years I noticed that lines of poetry started to arrive. I wrote them down and the pile grew. Poetry increasingly became an important part of my spiritual practice (aka life!). Some of you have seen my poems either here or on Facebook.
I am also reading a lot of poetry, mostly Zen and Sufi poets. I recently read some Chinese poetry, among others Li Po (or Li Bai). All of a sudden I was reminded of a poem from my school days, in our literature book. I was sure that it must have been by Li Po when I saw his name after more than 30 years, memory yet faint.
I then remembered how I used to read that poem every day and be completely swept away by its beauty. But I couldn’t remember which poem it was. Then it slowly came back to me. First of all the atmosphere and then I remembered that it was about a mountain. From there I finally found the poem that caused me to become a poet and maybe even started me on my whole spiritual journey.
The sense of homecoming when I found the poem again is indescribable. I share it here with you. (Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the name of the translator and, of course, in my schoolbook it was printed in Swedish):
You ask me why I dwell in the green mountain;
I smile and make no reply for my heart is free of care.
As the peach-blossom flows down stream and is gone into the unknown,
I have a world apart that is not among men.
That is where I started my journey and now I am back and everything makes perfect sense. Life is profoundly beautiful.
I will keep you posted as we go along. I’m thrilled to share this with you! Much love and happiness to all.
In the world there are no mistakes. The only mistake is in ourselves, our deep ignorance and indifference. Anyone can start a one person revolution and change the world. The first step is: give up your need to be right and your need for someone else to be wrong.
Who is ready? Just a quick look around in your immediate surrounding will show how depressingly far away we are from change. We are in the exact same place we were thousands of years ago. Nothing has changed. Only the fights are a little different. The battle between right and wrong is the same as it ever was. That’s why nothing is changing and will not change–until our minds change. As long as you are convinced you are right and act from that perspective someone else will be just as convinced that you are wrong and act from their perspective; conflict is inevitable.
A one person revolution. It’s possible and it can start with you.
Dear blog readers,
My blog is getting a little silent. I’m thinking less, experiencing more and expressing myself in poetry. If you want to read more on my blog, feel free to drop me a topic request or a question.
You can do this in different ways:
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Of course you will remain anonymous in the post itself even if you don't submit anonymously. (Unless you want your name in it of course!)
Or else just wait and see if any new posts appear as usual. I don’t know. I don’t feel the need to write for myself anymore but I’m happy to write on demand!
Wishing you a day full of peace and presence.
Charlotte Brady about love, life, freedom and abiding in the heart every moment of the day. This is where flesh is spirit and spirit flesh in raw unadulterated devotion. Life is worship!
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