It took some time before I accepted it. I didn’t choose it to begin with. I was chosen by it from an early age but never understood. It’s not until now that everything makes sense, is in order and connected.
Little by little the world stopped tempting me. For a while I was desperately trying to be tempted by it. Everyone else was tempted. Why wasn’t I? I tried to want things. I know, it sounds crazy now. To try to want things!
Then, of course, I did what perhaps most of us would do, I scanned myself for defects. I found plenty! Could it be depression? Maybe, but I was often feeling joyful. Could it be lack of ambition? Maybe, but I knew that I was capable. All blemishes revealed themselves, a very humbling parade indeed.
That parade went on until I discovered: There is nothing wrong with me! The world had simply lost its gravitational effect. I was floating freely. Simple beingness was all I wanted, love and silence.
Sort of shocking for a while.
To be continued.