See everything within yourself. See every untruth, every denial, rationalization and condemnation. Leave no stone unturned.

See every fixation, obsession, attachment, dependence. See the structure of how you think things must be. See every suffering you endure. See everything you shy away from. See everything that gives you a sting of unwelcome emotion.

See how you blame the world for the sting. See the ways you fight it.  See how you blame yourself and how you condemn your being.

There is nothing you need to do or fix. Only see the truth of yourself and that truth will set you free. 

Love lit my soul and wiped out my memory. Nothing is the same and nothing is different. No more search because I am the search, I am the question and the answer. Nothing to look for and nothing to find. Love lit my soul and wiped out my memory. 

What is love?
Is it something I want, something I give, get or is it something I am?
Is it something I need, something I deserve or something I have?
Or is it something I can never understand, something vast and ungraspable?
Is love a feeling or is it a fact? Is it a state of mind or a state of heart?
If it is a state of heart, then what is the heart?
Does love have an object or is it really an objectless subject?
Is love nice or is it indifferent to who and what I am?
Does it need a subject and an object to even exist or is it objectless, limitless, eternal?
If love needs an object, is the quality of that object a condition for love?
If love is conditional can it then be called love?
If not, then what is conditional love?

Is love something you do, feel or attract?
Is love more a noun or a verb? 
Is love beyond all categories? 
Is love silent or is it loud? 
Is love possible to know or is it nameless, unknowable?
Is it a luxury afforded those who relinquish all, or is it something you learn while working selflessly for others? 
Is love indifferent, accepting and undiscriminating or does it call for certain qualities?
Is love romantic or practical or both? Is love sentimental, actual or possible?
I don’t know.
Can love be that?
I don’t know.
Can love be all of what I am, all of what I don’t know?

So I experienced some divine love. Always so sweet. Like honey in my veins. Simple and relaxed! No big deal. In the beginning it was hard to stay there, in love. Even the smallest provocation could cause the delicious feeling to evaporate.

You know, bad news of some kind, an unpleasant encounter with another human being. Tiredness. Fear. Disappointment.

And love was all gone. Poff!

How do I remain in the center of myself without habitually reacting in the same old patterns? How do I stay in that love even when everything and everyone seems to be against me and my precious peace?

The simple answer is: nothing is against me, never has been, never will be. Nothing is against you either. Life happens. We react to it. The good news is, we can change our reaction.

I probably wouldn’t have agreed to that at all a few years back. Then it was obvious that things were against me and/or that others had treated me badly in one way or another. It’s not like that anymore.

What changed?

Many things changed. Definitely not overnight. I didn’t follow any direction except from the inside. That took some time to establish. So exactly how do you do it? Well, now to the part that might make you stop reading:

There are no simple answers!  Except the simple one above that nothing is wrong. But that doesn’t show you HOW to do it and as such it’s pretty worthless. Worthless until you are firmly established in your heart, centered in yourself. Then it makes sense. Until then it’s just an abstract idea.

No matter what anyone will tell you, there are no quick fixes. There aren’t even any methods. There are no How-to that fits everyone. The only thing anyone can do is to share how they did it and maybe someone out there will feel it speaks to them, too.

Here’s a little bit of how I did it.

First of all I made a decision that I wanted change no matter what. That is a vulnerable but necessary position. From there you allow change to happen.

From there I started walking, one step after another. Here are some brief hints about my path:

My path is LOVE. Growing love, difficult love, painful love, glorious love, exquisite love, comforting love, passionate love, flowing love, all encompassing love, transcendental love. My feeling of love, or lack thereof, is my greatest teacher. 

My path is ACCEPTANCE. Acceptance of mistakes, failures, weaknesses. Acceptance of being unique and deeply loved for who you are. Acceptance of all others.

My path is RESPECT. Respect of all your deepest needs. Respect of others’ deepest needs.

My path is HONESTY. To be honest with yourself, with what you feel and want. Being honest with others is part of being honest with yourself. This takes a lot of courage.

My path is PATIENCE. Patience to continue walking in confusion, stormy weather, when you don’t know where you’re going. You continue walking because you know you can’t return to where you were. This requires the greatest courage. So much courage that all your energy is required.

My path is SURRENDER. Surrender to who you are, to your life, to God. This is beautiful and supremely easy. It’s easy because it’s nothing you can make happen. It will happen for you – when you are ready. But you can make yourself available for it.

Many people don’t want to change old patterns. Perhaps because it’s old and familiar. That is absolutely fine. Everyone gets to choose what they want. If you still are reading this you are most likely not one of them. But you will still meet many of them in your life. It’s best to just peacefully disregard. Let it be.

When you start out you are not going to be able to stay in bliss for extended periods of time. And you are not supposed to! You are supposed to integrate and see who you are. That often takes some time and some suffering. Your old defenses and structures most often wont leave without making themselves heard.

I won’t lie. It can be painful. This is where many people give up. They don’t realize that they are making enormous progress. They just feel the pain. Maybe they had grown in honesty and people around them didn’t like it. If you are honest with who you are it forces others to be honest with who they are. People who are not ready for this are NOT going to like that.

Keep walking. Persevere. Get up when you fall. Keep trying.

Little by little you’ll discover that you can keep standing in the storm. That wherever you are seems to be the eye of the storm. You stop falling down. You become aware of your reactions. You then stop reacting and start responding. You begin to see yourself with enormous clarity. Not only yourself but others as well.

Your heart starts to swell and soften, any obstructions melt away. Your love flows freely to everyone. Regardless if they deserve it or not.

Now love sticks to you like a magnet, you are in it, of it, for it, by it. It’s also spelled F-R-E-E-D-O-M. It’s breathtakingly beautiful and worth every step of the way.

Love always. Listen to your heart. It will tell you everything you need to know. Everything. Don’t doubt it.

Stop feeding violence. Stop reading violent books. Stop watching violent movies. Stop yourself from becoming so numb that you need violence to feel anything. Don’t feed violence. Stop using violence as a catharsis. Don’t accept such numbness in your heart.

Stop being fascinated by violence. Be a rebel in a violent world by refusing all association with violence. Don’t make any excuses.

Stop gossiping. Stop condemning yourself and others. Stop judging others. Stop judging yourself. Stop being annoyed with others. You don’t know the whole story. You don’t know why that car is driving so slowly. You don’t now why the person in front of you is taking too long. Don’t feed violence. Stop hurrying all the time. Slow down. Hurrying is violence. Impatience is violence.

Don’t direct your anger at others. Feel it, experience it, observe it. Study it in the privacy of your own heart. Don’t feed violence. Violence is a hungry beast. Don’t feed it or it will devour you. It will devour your reality. Decide what kind of reality you want to live in and be faithful to that.

Unbury your heart. Listen to it. The heart speaks very softly. You need silence to hear it. Silence is never violent. Silence opens up for love. Silence helps you slow down.

Don’t outsource your feelings. Take responsibility for them. Feel them. Be with them. Don’t desert yourself. Don’t abandon yourself. Don’t reject yourself.

Be with yourself. Be with others. Know what’s happening inside you. Don’t feed violence. Don’t accept it. Start a revolution! The mildest and most permanent revolution. It will save you. It will save society. Don’t be afraid to be a rebel.

My daughter’s guitar strong popped and I couldn’t reattach it. I got a number to someone who could fix it. I called. The man who answered the phone said he lived far away and that he would call me back and tell me when I could bring it in. I started to think it wasn’t worth the trouble, that I should find someone who lived closer. 

The man called back when he said he would and asked if I could come the next day. I had a hard time understanding his thick Barbadian accent. No, no he said. I will come to you, does that work? Oh, yes, of course, thank you. He had something to take care of on my end of the island.

The next day the man came to my house. He was old and was missing several teeth. He had brought a string and immediately attached it. He played the guitar and the music filled the whole house with beauty. I gave him twice as much as he had asked for compensation. He said he liked the simplicity of our home. We chatted. He stayed on and played some more. My husband came, said hello and left the room again.

The man looked at a print on our wall. I said it was from Jamaica, where my husband is from. He said he liked the wood that our furniture is made of. Was that your husband? I answered yes. Beautiful, he remarked, and I knew he commented on the different color of our skin.

As he was leaving he said he liked my personality. Then he asked me what I thought about the monkeys. I said they used to take all the fruit on our papaya trees. I said I love this area. He asked me if I had met Jesus. I understood what he meant and answered yes, although I give it a different name. Where do you go to church? I placed my hand on my heart. He again said he liked my personality. Don’t loose it.

I thanked the man, said I appreciated his help. I closed the door. After a few minutes he came back with a couple of pegs for the guitar, in case we’d loose one. I thanked him again. Drive up close to the gate when you exit, I said. It will open automatically.