Life introduced me to pain.

Pain, this is Charlotte
Charlotte, this is Pain 

While Pain was eager to meet me I had no desire to become friends with her. I wanted to get as far away from her as I could. But she kept pursuing me. 

She would never give a reason for her interest in me. I tried to come up with my own theories but she just shrugged and kept seeking my friendship. 

A while ago I finally said to her: “Okay, then. Let’s be friends. Welcome to my world. Sit down at my table. Show me your real face. Tell me what you believe in, what your dreams are. She didn’t like that one bit. She soon got up and left. 

It looks like she finally lost interest in me.

Yes, I too have met the nameless pain that mercilessly toys with us. It catches us when we are unguarded. It controls us and maintains its power by keeping us in the dark about its true meaning. The feeling it most resembles is fear, vague but threatening.

It often appears without a reason. It’s hard to accept suffering without a cause and so we try to deny it. That doesn’t stop it. It just finds new ways to articulate itself. One of its favorite methods is to stir something up in our outer life that can’t be ignored. 

As if saying: “I’m here. Deal with it.”

I have tried to come to terms with this mysterious suffering. I have tried to explain it. I have tried to fix it. I have tried to deny it. I have seen it play out in my life. 

It’s still a mystery. But it’s getting clearer.

I have come to understand that somehow it’s linked to the very essence of my being. I can’t divorce, deny or delete it. I can only deal with it. Ugh!! I can deal with it in its nameless state or I can deal with it when it plays out in life events.

It’s usually a little easier to deal with its manifestation in life events. At least it gives us something to focus on, something to do. 

It can take pretty nasty turns though, and the initial problem can create a host of sister problems if we don’t realize that it’s not really about what is happening on the outside. 

It’s very common that it plays out in our relationships; our most vulnerable point. 

The nameless form of this suffering is rarely talked about. What is there to say? There are no explanations and no obvious reasons for it. It is so intimately linked to who we are that it’s almost impossible to let anyone else in. We hardly let ourselves in. It’s an extremely vulnerable place. Or so I once thought. 

Now I see it as a place of pure power. 

I think perhaps that there are many who don’t even like to admit that this pain exists. It seems so irrational. So when life runs smoothly it’s often buried under layers of denial or numbed out by a wide variety of methods. 

At any given moment we can choose how to deal with the pain: deny, numb or face it. Only by facing it can it be transcended. 

We might not face it very elegantly the first few times but with perseverance it is possible. Courage is also needed. 

So what is the true cause of this pain? 

Is it the pain of having a body that limits us in time and space?
Is it the wound where we were separated from God at birth?
Is it a symptom of our separation from our true Selves?
Is it really a way to find out who we are?

I mean, WHAT IS IT? And, more importantly, how do we put an end to it?

For me this pain has been impossible to deny since I was very young. I could suppress it but I could never deny it.

It was there. Like a roadblock.

I tried to deal with it the best I could, which wasn’t very good at all. I was painfully aware that in me existed a pain that couldn’t be explained.

I saw it in others too, mostly in the form of painful relationships. I saw it in the painful choices people made and in my own painful choices. I saw it underlie all existence, on a wider scale as well; in natural disasters, war, poverty, disease, death.

It can take time to get to the bottom of suffering. Actually, there is no real bottom. What you might think is the bottom or end of it is really an opening. 

Over the years I have come to realize, feel and experience, that at the bottom of this suffering there is unfathomable joy and lightness. Intense energy and joy. Peace and freedom. Beauty and meaning. Our very essence. 

It's an opening into oneness, a rebirth of innocence, liberation, salvation, freedom. There are many names. 

I’m beginning to think that this suffering is a direct road to Self-realization, love, truth and freedom. But it’s a thorny path and there is no one there to guide you but yourself. You’ll get a little support here and there but it’s essentially your own journey. We don’t really want help anyway. We want to do it on our own. Which is completely right because no one else has your unique experiences.

No one can tell you what you need.

I still experience life’s little tricks and games. But the difference is that I now always see it for what it is. I’m not swayed by it anymore. I know it’s not that real so I don’t fight it. I know it’s just showing me the way. It’s just there to make me understand that I have to look inside for answers. All I have to do is to remember that the drama is my own construction, for my own benefit. And when I remember ­– magic happens. 

At the bottom of suffering lies its dissolution. The dissolution of suffering is the gateway to freedom. The journey is endless, mysterious, sublime...

One Love

I’ve been practicing  yoga and meditation for twenty years now.  I have never had any interest in gaining psychic powers, which can be a side effect in this line of work. I have always kept my eyes on the essence of being, God, surrender or Self- realization – whatever you prefer to call it. That was the only thing that interested me. 

But one day I happened to see a link to a phone interview with a healer. I don’t know why I clicked it.  I guess I had nothing better to do. He talked about directing energy into your hands and to my surprise I knew what he was talking about. 

During meditation I have for years experienced heightened energy levels. Only I didn’t know that was what it was. For me it was just a very pleasurable experience, pure ecstasy at times.  I could feel the energy run through my whole body and light up every cell until the body was tingling and it felt as if I was hovering above the ground. 

Anyway, I decided to try it out. Since I have had a chronic back problem for the past thirty (!) years, at first on and off but the last seven years have been a steady decline to the point where I couldn’t have a regular yoga practice or even sit for more than half an hour at a time. No doctor could fix it but an osteopath made it temporarily better.

I put my hands on the place that hurt. I then let the energy run in my body (I know, it sounds weird.) and easily understood how to direct it into my hands. I stayed so for five or ten minutes. Then did some reading, then put my hands back on.  It was completely unglamorous and non-mystic.

I wasn’t even that focused since I didn’t really think it would work. But when I got dressed after my shower I could put my pants on without pain! This had not happened for YEARS! 

As you can imagine, that caught my attention and I continued using my hands on and off. Sometimes I woke up with pain after sleeping on my stomach. I used my hands and the pain was gone after 30 minutes.  I did this several times and the pain consistently subsided in the same way.

After about three weeks of doing this hands on thing, still not very focused but more and more convinced about its efficacy, I was ready to really test it. I decided to go out jogging.  The last time I tried I had to be in bed for a week after.

I took it easy as always, running and walking alternately. It was lovely to be moving my body again! I used my hands before and after the run. I used my hands the next day. There was no pain! I could feel a little bit of stiffness (and a LOT of sore leg muscles) but I did not have to be in bed!

Yesterday, a week later, I went out for the second time and my back feels fabulous! I will continue to use my hands just in case. This is a miracle to me! I live without back pain!

I have no idea how it worked. But I know that it did. I couldn’t find a more obvious evidence than my back. It’s unquestionable. After I first noticed the effect on my back I tried to use my hands on other problems as well. It didn’t occur to me initially but gradually it became normal to think, oh, let me try my hands at this!

I have tried it for sinus headache, upset stomach, foot pain and other minor aches and pains. It always follows the same pattern: I use my hands for 5 to 10 minutes and then rest for a few minutes. After about 30 minutes the pain is gone. Sometimes I have to repeat it.

I still can’t believe it’s really true. But then I notice how great my back feels… 

I will never call myself a healer and I will still go to the doctor – but only after using my hands.  I haven’t really tried it on someone else (my family has been slightly reluctant to become my guinea pigs. But I did take away a bad head ache once.)

Healing is still not my main focus. But it has tangibly showed me how much power we really have - and how little we use it. It taught me how to direct my energy, which is an invaluable lesson. I’m sure my understanding about this will evolve even more. Gratitude!

There is no doubt in my mind that everyone can do this! If I could anyone can. I was NOT born with any occult gifts and I have never even wanted, or thought I could, heal anything.  But I did.