I am here where everything is as it is. I am free without owning anything, not even myself. I am without labels, without résumés, without titles, accomplishments and therefore I do not perfectly fit into this world where everything - even the spiritual - is measured, weighed, analyzed and evaluated. I am what I am and I express that every second of the day, in every breath, as breathing, living and constantly dying. This is the truth. This is the enormous grace of being.
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Love lit my soul and wiped out my memory. Nothing is the same and nothing is different. No more search because I am the search, I am the question and the answer. Nothing to look for and nothing to find. Love lit my soul and wiped out my memory. 

What is love? Love is the enormous grace of having been born to this Earth. Love is to be able to observe Earth from a human perspective. Just by being born you are loved, loved into existence. It’s easy to see only suffering or to focus on things or people we think we need to acquire in order to be happy and feel loved. But love is not a thing to be proud or jealous of. Love is absolutely free and available at any moment. 

Love is not confined to our bodies. Love is free, it knows no boundaries, no language, no religion, no skin color. We are born with a totally free capacity to love and be loved. It’s there, always. Treasure it, nurture it, discover its endlessness. Remember that you are a miracle. Your love matters. Your feeling of love matters. It makes a difference. Let it be free in you. Let it be free outside of you. Love needs to be given. The more it is given the more it grows. It’s easy to give love. You can give love to the sun, the moon and the clouds as well as to animals and humans. Don’t underestimate the enormous power of giving love to everything and everyone. Giving love is a way of being. It’s a revolution. Happy Valentine's Day!

So many weaknesses in me
So many flaws
So little strength
So little virtue
So many fears
So many lies
So little truth
So little insight
All I’ve got
is that I know;
I know of you.
All I’ve got
is this heart 
of yours.

So I experienced some divine love. Always so sweet. Like honey in my veins. Simple and relaxed! No big deal. In the beginning it was hard to stay there, in love. Even the smallest provocation could cause the delicious feeling to evaporate.

You know, bad news of some kind, an unpleasant encounter with another human being. Tiredness. Fear. Disappointment.

And love was all gone. Poff!

How do I remain in the center of myself without habitually reacting in the same old patterns? How do I stay in that love even when everything and everyone seems to be against me and my precious peace?

The simple answer is: nothing is against me, never has been, never will be. Nothing is against you either. Life happens. We react to it. The good news is, we can change our reaction.

I probably wouldn’t have agreed to that at all a few years back. Then it was obvious that things were against me and/or that others had treated me badly in one way or another. It’s not like that anymore.

What changed?

Many things changed. Definitely not overnight. I didn’t follow any direction except from the inside. That took some time to establish. So exactly how do you do it? Well, now to the part that might make you stop reading:

There are no simple answers!  Except the simple one above that nothing is wrong. But that doesn’t show you HOW to do it and as such it’s pretty worthless. Worthless until you are firmly established in your heart, centered in yourself. Then it makes sense. Until then it’s just an abstract idea.

No matter what anyone will tell you, there are no quick fixes. There aren’t even any methods. There are no How-to that fits everyone. The only thing anyone can do is to share how they did it and maybe someone out there will feel it speaks to them, too.

Here’s a little bit of how I did it.

First of all I made a decision that I wanted change no matter what. That is a vulnerable but necessary position. From there you allow change to happen.

From there I started walking, one step after another. Here are some brief hints about my path:

My path is LOVE. Growing love, difficult love, painful love, glorious love, exquisite love, comforting love, passionate love, flowing love, all encompassing love, transcendental love. My feeling of love, or lack thereof, is my greatest teacher. 

My path is ACCEPTANCE. Acceptance of mistakes, failures, weaknesses. Acceptance of being unique and deeply loved for who you are. Acceptance of all others.

My path is RESPECT. Respect of all your deepest needs. Respect of others’ deepest needs.

My path is HONESTY. To be honest with yourself, with what you feel and want. Being honest with others is part of being honest with yourself. This takes a lot of courage.

My path is PATIENCE. Patience to continue walking in confusion, stormy weather, when you don’t know where you’re going. You continue walking because you know you can’t return to where you were. This requires the greatest courage. So much courage that all your energy is required.

My path is SURRENDER. Surrender to who you are, to your life, to God. This is beautiful and supremely easy. It’s easy because it’s nothing you can make happen. It will happen for you – when you are ready. But you can make yourself available for it.

Many people don’t want to change old patterns. Perhaps because it’s old and familiar. That is absolutely fine. Everyone gets to choose what they want. If you still are reading this you are most likely not one of them. But you will still meet many of them in your life. It’s best to just peacefully disregard. Let it be.

When you start out you are not going to be able to stay in bliss for extended periods of time. And you are not supposed to! You are supposed to integrate and see who you are. That often takes some time and some suffering. Your old defenses and structures most often wont leave without making themselves heard.

I won’t lie. It can be painful. This is where many people give up. They don’t realize that they are making enormous progress. They just feel the pain. Maybe they had grown in honesty and people around them didn’t like it. If you are honest with who you are it forces others to be honest with who they are. People who are not ready for this are NOT going to like that.

Keep walking. Persevere. Get up when you fall. Keep trying.

Little by little you’ll discover that you can keep standing in the storm. That wherever you are seems to be the eye of the storm. You stop falling down. You become aware of your reactions. You then stop reacting and start responding. You begin to see yourself with enormous clarity. Not only yourself but others as well.

Your heart starts to swell and soften, any obstructions melt away. Your love flows freely to everyone. Regardless if they deserve it or not.

Now love sticks to you like a magnet, you are in it, of it, for it, by it. It’s also spelled F-R-E-E-D-O-M. It’s breathtakingly beautiful and worth every step of the way.

Love always. Listen to your heart. It will tell you everything you need to know. Everything. Don’t doubt it.

I just want to share this joy that’s overflowing and wants expression. I want to share it in a way that brings ease and freedom in your heart. I have no idea how to do this but it is my wish.

I don’t know the origin of this love, for I can also call it that. I can also call it freedom. It’s a gift that came as a surprise and as such it is for sharing. If I could just figure out a way.

It’s so simple and as easy as breathing. It’s in being rather than doing. It’s in forgiveness and the loss of guilt, in relaxation and softening of tension. It’s in authenticity rather than perfection and it doesn’t come with any shoulds!

You are fine just the way you are. Nothing needs improving! You are infinitely loved and endlessly forgiven. You are accepted and treasured just for being you. That will never change. If you don't know it yet just stop and listen, stop and feel it in your heart. 

Perhaps it is the season… In joy, in love, in peace.

Surrender is a beautiful process.
It’s emotional and spiritual.
It’s not intellectual.
You can’t understand it with your mind. 
It's a master and a servant. 
You can feel it.
You can't explain it.

Three different paths all lead to surrender. 

When you surrender to life you accept all that happens and all that is.
When you surrender to the Self you merge with your own sense of being, the life force which permeates the whole universe.
When you surrender to God you put all your cares in his hands and happily accept everything he lays before you.

It all comes to the same.The depth of it is incomprehensible.

Whichever path you choose surrender means to give up control. It’s not easy to do. Most people hate it. Why? Because we are so sure of what we want and need – and what we think others should want and need.

We like to think that we are in full command of our lives. When things don’t happen they way we wanted there is disappointment or depression.

To surrender means to accept, even appreciate, whatever comes your way. Even if I don’t understand why things happen the way they do. Even if I don’t like it.

I relax into what is.
I give up my most cherished fights.
I quarrel with nothing.
I stop commanding.
I stop forcing.
I start receiving and accepting.
I want nothing.
I want everything.

In surrender you are happy in every situation. It means being naturally relieved of disappointment and depression. Not because bad things don’t happen but because you don’t judge good and bad the way you used to. 

Few people achieve complete surrender immediately but partial surrender is always possible. A first step to surrender is letting go. Another early step is to stop resisting what is, to stop fighting the world.

A more advanced step is to admit that you are indeed helpless. And to sit with that helplessness and to fully, fully embrace it. Don’t be afraid of the temporary emptiness that comes when you first lay down your weapons. It will soon be filled with your authentic self, with bliss.

Surrender doesn’t mean that you force yourself to endure what you don’t want. Surrender means that you don’t resist what is while knowing what you want without attachment to it – and no aversion toward what you don't want.

That's a tough one. 

Sometimes life forces you to surrender by being a total bitch. That's the master aspect of surrender. Sometimes you melt into surrender by a softened heart. That's the servant aspect of surrender.

Surrender means being completely honest with yourself. It also means grace because you are given the possibility to surrender through your desire to do it.

It’s your gift. See if it has arrived. 

To fully and completely accept and love yourself is part of surrender. You can’t surrender and still have complaints about yourself, or anyone else.

Surrender is unconditional love. Unconditional love is surrender.

In giving up all you gain all. But you haven’t surrendered until you loose all expectation of gaining anything from it. That’s the tricky part.

We always want something in return. 

Sure, you'll get it. But you can’t demand or even expect it.

I’m so grateful that I was given this gift.
I’m so grateful that I had the desire to accept it.
It’s not done by me.
I can only entertain the desire.
Everything is as it should.
Thy will be done… 

Nothing needs to be changed.Just add awareness.

My home is in Miami now. The outer circumstances have shifted but I am who I am. What I see is different, what I am is the same.  

There were a few challenges - like when our dog wasn’t allowed to fly out with us because of the hot weather. Biscuit and I had to stay behind while the rest of the family left! But we were immediately showered with unexpected solutions and it all worked out in the end. 

Everything has been incredibly easy. House, schools etc, it all just came together without effort. Each day comes with its gifts. Even the challenges are welcome when I see them for what they are – an expression of my life.

I have stopped making efforts. Everything works so much better then. When I get involved, make plans and have expectations, things get complicated. When I wait and just live my life as it comes things happen automatically. The unfolding then is deeply meaningful.

We are living, breathing, thinking organisms. We seem to be separate entities but we are constantly connected to the earth by the air we breathe and the food we eat. It doesn’t matter if we physically move or not.

Just because we are able to move around doesn’t mean that we are any less connected to Earth than a tree. My roots are everywhere. I am all. All is me. Nothing is apart from God.    

I am not ashamed of my appearances
I am not ashamed of my eternity
I am not ashamed of being no one
I am not ashamed of being everyone
I am not ashamed of all that I was given
I am not ashamed of losing everything
I am not ashamed of being banished
I am not ashamed of wanting comfort
I am no ashamed of being broken
I am not ashamed of being holy
I am not ashamed of being wrong
I am not ashamed of being right
I am not ashamed of the light I carry
I am not ashamed of being what I am
In this fire all the bonds are broken

Here's what I wrote a few years back, while struggling to break free. This is just as I start to give up all struggle. God bless you God! I adore your creation. All of it.

"I created my world in exactly this way so that I may realize my true inner being, the Self. I put in all the necessary stuff just for me. I thank my Self for making it so comfortable in a tropical nature setting while I'm doing it. I thank my Self for putting in the right mix of people to give me the exact right measures of desperation and hope. I thank my Self for putting me in situations where I clearly see suffering and grace. I thank my Self for giving me the courage, the faith, the strength to go through with it.  I thank my Self for trying to shield myself from suffering through life, whether it was with meditation, alcohol, sex, shopping, reading, misunderstanding, God or the internet. I thank my Self for having so much love for me that I just kept on going even if at times all I saw was darkness.

I have no free will in this so I can just let go of the concept of free will. I will end up where I am supposed to be. I will find joy in your expression, all that ever was, all that ever will be. 

The only motive in the world is love. I just SAW it and my heart exploded. It is only from our limited perspective love appears as not love."