If you have a deep fear around something in your life, it will most likely appear again and again. You will most likely try to fix it in any way you can. It works temporarily. Usually, the fear is around one or two areas but most likely you will find that it’s the same fear expressed in different ways.
This deep kind of fear most often shows up in and around your closest relationships. I'm talking about a deep inner fear, often nameless because it has gotten so alienated from you. There are also other fears around situations and people further away from you but those fears are more conscious and easier to overcome. Of course, your conscious mind wants to do something, anything, to get rid of this highly uncomfortable and painful fear. So why is it so hard to do that?
Most likely it’s because a part of you is unconsciously holding on to it. Of course there is no one in the world who wants to have fear or bad things happen to them. But over the years the subconscious has become a guard dog, protecting you from the terror so that you won’t suffer from it. But in doing that you have also become alienated from your fear and very often another type of fear has been created: the fear of the fear.
Unfortunately, this is a disservice because now it’s very difficult to take the fear back from the subconscious. Also, the ego (= the person we have been shaped into) assists the subconscious by consciously repeating things like (depending on what the fear is about): “It’s their fault, they ruined me, I can’t do it,” OR: “It’s my fault, I’m ruining everything and everyone.” Etc, etc. It can be anything really.
However there are a few things you can do to take back the fear from the subconscious. The subconscious is a little bit like a dog. You can train it but it takes time. It learns by repetition. Once it has learned the lesson it’s very easy. But you have to train it in small steps or it will be overwhelmed and not cooperate.
This text is for your intellectual mind. It won’t reach the subconscious at all. But it might help you to not be afraid of the fear and to have a greater understanding for its mechanisms. It might help you to get the courage to face it and the hope that you don’t have to live by it.
Some people are not even be fully aware that they are carrying a fear. It might just lurk in the background. Then it will either be very annoying to read this text (if you are not ready to acknowledge it) or intriguing (if you are ready).
The following are things you can do, from the easiest to the most difficult:
You can make a decision that you don’t want this fear to control you anymore.
You can pray about it.
You can change the conscious thoughts that control you.
You can face situations that you know will bring up the fear.
You can allow yourself to feel it thoroughly.
You can refuse to act on its command. (If you fear tells you to run away: stay. If your fear tells you to play happy: stop playing happy, etc.)
You may surrender.
To face a situation that evokes the fear takes courage. Every time a situation arises, take what happens inside and stop any knee jerk reactions. Sit with it. Feel it. Releasing, feeling, just a little of it will give you tremendous energy and freedom. Usually, life will repeatedly put you in a position where it’s impossible to disregard it. That way life is a great teacher. Instead of being angry at the situations you could potentially see them as something to learn from.
Most likely you will not be able to feel it through in one go. It is so strong and powerful. It can literally make you feel like you are going to die. But you can do a little at a time, as much as you can handle.
As long as you placate the fear by either acting on its behalf or avoiding it, you strengthen it and it will continue to fester and rule your life. You placate the fear when you beg, manipulate or barter (pay a price to get something ). You placate the fear when you numb yourself with addictions (we have the capacity to make virtually anything into an addiction, some more destructive than others).
In addition to the list above, you can also surrender, give it over, but this is not really anything that you “do”. It’s something that happens. You can ask for it and maybe it will happen, maybe not. Usually surrender happens to people who have been suffering for a long time and can’t bear it any longer. They lose the ability to hold on subconsciously. The wall between the subconscious and the conscious crumble and the fear just leaves them as it’s exposed for the fake it really is.
Another way to approach this is to see that you are not the body. The body’s history is not your history. There is nothing to understand. Nothing needs to change. There is nowhere to get to and no need to change. You have nothing to do with the body and the fear has nothing to do with you either. By then you are on a spiritual path.
As you noticed jumping off a plane is not on the list! So can you overcome fear by jumping off a plane? Potentially, yes. You may be shocked out of it and realize that it's completely irrelevant to you now. But it can also be another way of avoiding the actual fear by becoming addicted to thrills. The mind is very cunning.