There are a lot of expections on love and most of them totally miss the mark because love solves nothing. Love is. Love doesn’t cure suffering. Love is. Love needs nothing. Love wants nothing.

It solves nothing but when it meets itself, it’s called endlessness and that is freedom. Love gives, it’s giving itself. Love only knows to give but give is not the right word but perhaps the closest.

We all have it, we don’t see it. We think love is supposed to give us something (this is why give is not the right word, it’s attached to our wanting) or make us feel a certain way about ourselves. Or we think we can save someone by loving them. That is a love with a demand that the other changes because otherwise we can’t believe in love. But that’s not love, it’s simply wanting something.

Or we think love is supposed to take us over, capture us and absolve us from ourselves. Love can’t absolve you from yourself. You are love. You are what you seek and you are what you try to run away from.

But you don’t identify with love. You identify with an image you have of yourself. That is why there is so much confusion about love.

Yes, love is giving, not giving as in doing but giving as in being. It’s a total outpouring of your existence towards existence and existence pours itself back into your heart. A total openness to what is.

There is absolutely no suffering in love. All the suffering we believe is attached to love is merely failed expectations, desires not met. Not love. Love has nothing to do with desire. Love is not exclusive. Love is not personal.

The desire to be loved for one’s unique qualities is selfishness. That is wanting to be the only object of love’s universal outpouring. In wanting that you also cut yourself off from love because you yourself are that outporing.  You will suffer until you see it.

Love is like the essence of an endless orgasm (I say essence because I’m not talking about pleasure here). You are giving something and getting something. There is no difference between the giving and the getting. It just is. Love is like that. It just is. You can’t need it. It just is. Nothing is made better by it. It just is. We want it because it is what we are. But we misunderstand the wanting.

It is possible to find it because it’s always here, it’s never not around. It’s in you now. Right this moment. It’s just a question of recognizing it. And I know you do. Right this moment I know you recognize it. Stay with that. 

When I started out searching for a greater meaning in life I had no idea what I got myself into. Not that I had a choice. My life has forcibly and insistently put me on track for the search for freedom.

That’s how it showed itself to me, the search for freedom. It can also present itself as the search for truth, God, nirvana, enlightenment, awareness. It has many, many names.

Knowing what I know now I would never recommend anyone to get into serious seeking. Because if you do your whole world will shatter. The only ones I’d recommend it to are those who are so fed up with the world, or so intent on knowing the truth, or God etc, that they don’t care whether they live or die.

The world as you know it is the price for freedom.

It will cost you your deepest most cherished dreams (this includes all spiritual dreams and ideals). It will cost you your most cherished beliefs. It will cost you some relationships. (Warning! Do not build a new, more spiritual world. It’s still the same world, just in a different clothing.)

Freedom costs everything you are.

Who’d want that? Well, some crazy people do. When I realized what it would cost me I wanted to get off the train! But by then the train was moving full steam ahead and all I could do was to put down my luggage and be on with it. There is a point of no return on the spiritual path. When that point is you won’t know until it’s too late.

Spirituality means realizing, in a very tangible IN-YOUR-FACE sort of way, that you don’t have any control. That you are powerless even regarding the most obvious and simple details of yourself, maybe especially those. Anybody noticed? You don’t have any control of yourself. If you think you do, it’s most likely imaginary.

You can’t control yourself. You can’t control others. You cant control the world. You can only let them be free.

This is a painful process. There may be fear, terror even. The fear may be nameless or there may be scary things happening on the outside that will teach you (in no uncertain terms) that you are not in charge. The severity (and it can be severely severe) of the situation depends on how much you have been holding on to untruth, how much you have been holding on to the image you have of yourself. It also depends on how willing you are to let go of that image.

In short, it depends on how much resistance you put up.

You see, spiritual search is not about getting what you want. It’s not about being happy. Although that is what attracts most people to the spiritual field. Spiritual search is about loosing everything. The quest of getting what you want belongs to the world. Period. Being focused on getting what you want is worldly. Nothing wrong with that at all but it’s important to know what is what.

That is why the new age movement is worldly and many religions too. New Age says: “If I think positive thoughts and raise my vibration I will get what I want.” Religion says: “If I am good and do what God wants, God will reward me and give me what I want.” And you are stuck in the endless game of trying to get happiness.

If you want to be worldly, be worldly. If you want to be religious, decide if you want the worldly strain or the spiritual one.

If you want to be spiritual, be ready to loose everything and be very comfortable with not getting what you want.

Of course to stay completely in the world will not prove to be much better than going on a spiritual path. You will be mercilessly tossed in the worldly merry-go-round. If you stay in the world your only hope is doing your duty with a thankful heart and doing right by yourself and others and, most importantly, giving up the attachment to specific results of your actions. You can build a fairly happy life on that. (It’s not as easy as it sounds, though.)

It’s all up to you and how much you want to see the truth of you really are, how the world really is. Or, let me rephrase that: It’s not really up to you. If you embark on a serious spiritual journey eventually it’s not you who decide. It’s something else, much deeper in you, that will pull you and push you.

Of course, there are great benefits to enlightenment. You will know the truth of who you are. You gain complete relaxation. You loose all shame, guilt etc. You won’t feel the need to hide anything about yourself and nothing – nothing - can hurt you. You will feel like your most natural self in every situation.

And you gain access to bliss whenever you want. That can be fun to play with. Apart from that, no I definitely don’t recommend spiritual search. In my early days, just as I had gotten on the train, I would recommend spirituality to people. But not now.

If you’re already on board, relax, sit back and let life unfold. Because it is also the most rewarding (and the most paradoxical) life experience you can have. If you don’t mind loosing everything!

With the greatest love imaginable to all the bodies in this world, and to all the starved souls, trying to get heard. 

This grainy moment frees itself from the grip of memory and anticipation. This grainy moment is all I  have. It’s beautiful in its harshness. The blinding light tenderly forces me to see what is. Not what I think about it, not what I wish from it but what this moment really, deeply, is.